20 March 2011 | By: Writing Buddha

Holi Is Colourless For Me !!!

            379th BLOG -->>

        Once again, the festival of Holi is on the plot and everyone is celebrating it right now. People are ready with the colors and waiting for their friends to arrive so that they can play the festival of colors with them. Many are very happy because it is their favorite festival. I can see small children from my window playing with small pichkaaris, throwing balloons of water on the uncle-aunty they know, flushing water on their childhood friends and wishing each other. My father and mother are also not in home. They are out on the ground to celebrate the festival with the people in colony. I am just happy to see everyone playing. But what is up with my life? Where am I? Why am I so alone on the day of Holi? Why am I sad? Why there is no one to call me, wish me and make me smile on the day of festival?

             I don't know what's up with me that in every festival I am alone and lonely. I just feel like crying and crying and crying. I have no one to call and wish and I have no one who call me and wish. For the whole day, my parent's mobile keeps ringing several times, I hear their happy voice wishing their friends and the same kind of enthusiasm can be heard from the other side too. But why is my life so damn nervous and blind on the day? Why don't I have any plans on the festivals? Why do I feel like cutting off myself from the world everytime a festival arrives? Either its Holi or Diwali, my condition is the same. I am always trapped inside my bedroom, lying on my bed, staring the ceiling and ceasing my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember any person nor do I remember my past, then what is it which makes me depressed and make me cry? What do I miss?

              I have been very social and conversational every time. I have number of friends at various places like Roha-my childhood place, Nashik, Aurangabad, Pune and Mumbai but still on the day of festival there is no one who remember me and wish me. The general SMSes are the common things happening to everyone in the country but there is no special treatment to me. The worst thing is that even parent goes on the ground to celebrate the festival and I remain alone in the house. I have no siblings therefore I have no one to accompany me in the house. Parent keep their mobiles in the house while going to celebrate the festival to protect it from colors and water. Every time their phone rings, I feel like killing myself. I never feel so lonely but at this moment of time, I feel like quitting everything in life.

               Right now, I am sitting alone in my bedroom, staring at the dumb desktop of my laptop, thinking of someone to ping me on chat but there is no one interested in wishing me a very happy Holi. I have no friends in the society so its worthless to expect anyone coming to my house to call me for celebrating the festival with him/her. The college friends are still so far away from the internal connection that they don't feel any importance of calling and wishing me. I am just stopping my tears to flow as I don't want to cry. It has been 2 years since I have cried and the pain is still resting in my heart. My heart is full of unsaid emotions and sentiments. I have no girlfriend. I have no one who likes me. I have no one who has an urge to meet me on the day and celebrate the festival with me. 

              Festival is the time when you want to celebrate with your best of best friends. In my general days and regimen, I have uncountable friends. There are so many people who want me to stay with them. The reason is my sense of humour and my approach of talking. I don't feel it worthy to sit quietly between the bunch of friends. I love making people laugh. I love to see people smile on my words. I love to see people calling me to make their day wonderful. Then why do these people don't remember me on the day of festival? Why don't they consider me as a very important friend to be contacted on festival and met. I am always ignored by these people on the festivals. On the next day, after the festival is over, they are again friendly and amicable to me but on the day they don't prefer me. What is wrong with me? Am I so boring? Or my sense of humour doesn't work every time? 

              I don't have the habit of being alone and single. So when I stay at my home on the festival listening to the hullabaloo of the people celebrating on the roads and grounds, I remember all my broken relationships in the past 5 years. I don't know how does those people come into my mind but they effect me a lot. It makes me observe all the mistakes I have committed in my past. Why was I unable to hold all those relationships? If I feel that I am so good in maintaining the relations then why did I flopped in those relationships which were too beautiful in my life. I hear my friends talking about their lovers and the moment they enjoyed with them and then I think about all my affairs in the past and the reasons why I was unable to maintain the girls I loved at different times. ( Yaa. The concept of One Love in One Lifetime doesn't work with me. I love different beauties at different times.) I also count all the friends who are not in talking terms with me now and I think what went wrong. After all this, I realize that its festival today and I shouldn't be so sad and I shouldn't think all this, then I give a fake smile to myself.

              Right now, my mother is back after playing holi. She is happy as expected. She is unaware of the pain her child is bearing. She don't know that I am sad or you can say I am a good actor that I don't let her know this. Where everyone is busy in loving colors and playing with it, I am running away from colors. This is my life. It is colourless and it needs someone to fill colour into it but whose that one, when will it come is a mystery. With this unsolved mysteries of my life, I am ceasing to write now. Till then, A very Happy Holi to all of you. Hope you enjoyed with your friends and you have planned for a dinner at a renowned restaurant in your area. Celebrate. My love to all.



12 CoMMenTs !!! - U CaN aLSo CoMMenT !!!:

Team Book Readers Lounge said...

when u smile , the world smiles with u, when u cry, u cry alone, go out n play wid strangers, wish them holi for change, dont live like this, not right attitude with expectations

Zil Shah said...

I guess It happens with those guys who cant make a bond with people. I happens with me too. on Most of the festivals except Uttarayan I say @ home. No frnds visit, no phone calls nthng.
When I came Pune and lived ma 4 year, all the festivals were d same. as No relatives no frnd around. New City & new language, I couldn't manage it all. I made ma gadgets my best frnds. Atleast they dnt leave me! But from last 2 year I have learnt something, if people cant come to you, you have to go to them. We can not leave alone, if we try to we gonna be frustrated. NO I am serious.

I have started calling people @ home & started throwing parties, people like parties like & I like to be with people thts is. Pure give & take.

Even my best buddy dont meet me or call me except he has some work with me. most of the time O have to call him or visit his house.

In short if things are not coming to you, U need to go there where it is available.
As simple is that.
U need to be a little bit social. Go outside, find the people like you. and develop the relations.

This helped me, hope this will help you too.

& I hope this holi will be ur last festival when u r alone.
Best of Luck buddy :)

Zil Shah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hamaarethoughts.com said...

hey..hey..cheer up..life is much more..try to explore not necessarily playing holi..smile when others have fun go and play....this is not good attitude..

Priya said...

If nobody calls you, y dnt u call them? Y dn't u start from ur side.
I was feeling lonely last Holi (my first in Mumbai) as nobody came to my home n I even din't go out. Jst saw people njoying outside my window. There were lot of txt msgs from friends back home n I was missing my siblings n parents a lot.
This time I decided to go out n I had a blast yesterday. I went to all my friends here n colored them. This feels gr8.
Stop expecting and start enjoying..... Happy belated HOLI Dear....

uglygirl said...


Writing Buddha said...

Yes Hitesh, u were right.... Always the person who cries is left alone.

Writing Buddha said...

Thanks a lot, Zee for raising up my confidence and making me smile. u r truly a good human being.

Writing Buddha said...

I know Harman mam but I m hopeless.

Writing Buddha said...

Thanks Priya for supporting..... and Happy Belated Holi to u too.

hens night said...

It was different because usually I'm in the U.S. where I live for Holi and we don't celebrate it and go all out,\ even though I am Indian. But this year Im in Indore with my dad's family and it was a lot of fun playing today having never played or seen all the beautiful colors.

Writing Buddha said...


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