Remembering 2024.. Welcoming 2025 !!!

2132nd BLOG POST

It has been almost a week since celebrating the New Year Evening and welcoming 2025 with open arms. How wonderful it is to hope for best every time we change calendars at our home. It has been so many years yet I feel the same enthusiasm whenever I realize that the current year is about to end and the new one is about to start. It always brings with it a positive vibes and belief that everything will get better and beautiful. I have a lot of expectations from 2025. This is the year which can bring a lot many changes in my life from both- personal and career perspective. All the graphs in my life are currently moving upwards and I hope 2025 provides them the zenith they are trying to hit.

 

But before welcoming anything new, we look at the old which was with us and gave its support until the new replaced it. In the same regards, it becomes mandatory to look back at 2024 and revisit the year. 2025 shall be whatever it is because 2024 has been a certain way. Thankfully, 2024 has been a year of transformation for sure. There were few common yearly targets and milestones that happened successfully but along with the regulars, there were some new elements, surprises, shocks and tragedy too. It’s time to get into bullet format to make it easier for all of you to go through them within two to three minutes:

 

👉 Reached the milestone of 2100th Blog Post & 15 years of Blogging. Though I must say that I should have written more than just reviewing books.

 

👉Completed the Reading Challenge of 36 books yet again. (Completed this milestone by giving all my time in last 2.5 months by reading 22 books in just 75 days)

 

👉Won 2nd position in Hackathon competition at my organization. An event where my idea got shortlisted from 200+ ideas to Top 80, then Top 26, Top 14 and finally in Top 2. This is definitely a rare professional achievement which isn’t very easy to get.

 

👉Got a chance to present my project to multiple Reserve Bank of India's officials which boosted my confidence. This is special because these were dignitaries who are at higher designations and presenting to them needs lot of preparation, confidence and team’s belief.

 

👉Gave multiple training sessions in my company which was a distinct experience indeed. This is again special because I always aspired to give training sessions to colleagues of my department and team of freshers.

 

👉Traveled to Goa twice

 

👉Traveled to Pondicherry and Mahabalipuram; my 1st-ever South-Eastern India visit. Did my first ever scuba-diving here.

 

👉Had a long drive in my new Altroz car to Jhansi and once again gave surprise to my dear siblings. Meeting with my sister is always among the most beautiful and joyful moments of my life. The farewell was definitely teary-eyed for all of us. It took hours to get back to normal. 😊

 

👉My chachaji and buaji family visited us which provided the needed refreshment. This was again special as Rakhi was tied to me on the day of Rakshabandhan directly by one of my cousin sisters otherwise have always received Rakhis in envelopes.

 

👉Had a great time at Kaun Banega Crorepati sets and got another chance to interact with my idol, Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. It was just the 4^th episode of this season.

 

👉Experienced the Bollywood divas- Katrina Kaif & Kriti Sanon in an interview live in front of my eyes. They are as tall as Burj Khalifas and as beautiful as a Full Moon and Setting Sun.

 

👉Also experienced watching Kapil Sharma show shooting. Got an opportunity to experience the legendary Rekha ji, Kapil Sharma, Krishna, Sunil Grover, Kiku Sharma, Rajiv Thakur etc. performing live in front of us.

 

👉Enjoyed watching Zakir Khan (3^rd time), Biswa Kalyan Rath and Ravi Verma's standup comedy live.

 

👉Attended Jubin Nautiyal's concert which was a lifetime experience. My best ever concert ever!

 

👉Had a good time with office friends in multiple night-outs.

 

👉I was able to perform Ekadashi fasting for all the 11^th day of moon cycle without missing a single one. Om Namo Bhagvate Vasudevay!

 

👉Experienced many of the above moments with someone whom I met this year and made my life magical. It can be what you are thinking or may be something completely different. Keep guessing! 😉

 

Well, when life gives you these many special moments to remember, it also brings along few difficult ones as well. As a human being having most of things not in our control, it’s our duty to accept our weakness and vulnerability rather than staying with the pain and not leaving it for life.

 

Lost Verma Uncle – the only person whose palm-reading I trusted. He was more like a family member and losing him suddenly made me feel incomplete for a long time. Lost another family member with whom I couldn’t meet and directly being at the funeral was a painful moment for me. I am still not completely out of it but as I said, will accept it shortly. From the professional perspective, I had to bear a very toxic person because of whom I had to suffer for 4 months continuously where each day felt like being jailed and tortured. He ended up spoiling a lot of things for me but thankfully, I regained more than that in the 2^nd half of the year. Being at the right place at the right time between the right people really helps.

 

Overall, 2024 has been an year when beautiful things has happened to me the impact of which shall stay for all my life. Thanking God for listening to my prayers and providing me whatever he feels is best for me.

 

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year 2025. Hope you have your resolutions ready. 😊

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

When things aren't going well..

2094th BLOG POST

Every time we get something new, we celebrate it as if it is going to be one of the defining possible change of our life. Yes, it definitely becomes that when it gets initiated in our life. We tell people about it. We update about it every here and there on the Internet. Slowly, it starts becoming a regularity and the presence of it remains to be almost as usual as that toothbrush in front of our wash-basin mirror. Some greatness lies whenever we get a new job, promotion, car, friend, relationship etc. I don’t know why but eventually it doesn’t remain that great as it seemed to be at the first glance. Either we start seeing the real face of it or the entity itself starts getting degraded day by day.

 

Unfortunately, when things start happening good in your life, everything looks good. When it starts getting bad, you will find every department failing to make you happy. Most of us face the issue where we try sacrificing for the other person whereas the same person is trying to think about him/her. It becomes horrible when such instances happen in front of you. Professionally, I witnessed something similar happening in front of me with the person I trusted. It shocked me even though I have seen something similar happening in past – with others if not with me. This has been an eye-opener and I have finally realized to be vocal of what would benefit me in future rather than considering anything as a partnership mission where I would kill a piece of me to maintain a cordial relationship where the other person would run away for personal perks.

 

As I said, when something wrong happens, it automatically mirrors the same in other aspects of life too. My favorite relationships are just moving upwards and downwards if it can be visualized as a graph. I am trying to be a good person but every time, I am trying something, it is turning out to be a relationship killer. I have experienced something before which has killed a similar relationship hence, I become very skeptical to even talk or chat. Taking such a stance can be more detrimental to a relationship than engaging in an imperfect conversation. When one abruptly falls silent, it may convey the message that the other person is not deemed important enough to warrant continued communication. In essence, this silence can be perceived as a lack of consideration or regard, potentially undermining the dynamics of the relationship. This becomes a Catch-22 situation where you don’t know how to handle the relationship anymore and you are now riding the car knowing that the brakes have failed and you might end up meeting a severe accident – and only God’s grace can save you.

 

Well, apart from this, even monetarily, you want to keep funds available for yourself because you know you aren’t completely satisfied with the place you are working at and you might take a dramatic decision at any point of time without any control of yours over it. Life then starts showing you what it is and throws unexpected expenditures which doesn’t spend your money but blow it away. Before you realize, your bank balance is in a spot. Now, because shits are going to happen all across, even your portfolio suffers and you find majority of your investments not generating money for you. Your passive income almost ceases to do any favor upon you. Similarly, your renters are about to leave with no new tenant contacting you to accommodate the place immediately to keep the money flowing for you.

 

Things at home aren’t good too. You are expected to take certain decisions which shall bring happiness to everyone but you have been bitten once hence you don’t want to jump into anything JUST LIKE THAT. No one understands your logic and everyone feels that you are doing it purposefully to trouble everyone. Now, you were the saintliest person until yesterday when you were doing what others felt was right but suddenly, you are the harshest person for them. Can you change anyone’s feeling for you now? No until you don’t do what they want you to do. Hell – nothing less than that!

 

You were planning a vacation for yourself in a way you wanted it but some discussions here and there – and now – it’s not happening the way you wanted it. That one time when you expected to spend the way you wanted it to bring the relaxation from all the unhappiest things happening with you turns out to be another reason to bring more unhappiness. How worst can life move from here onwards? It can! I know there are worst situations where I have been at my lowest when there wasn’t even a ray of light visible at the end of the tunnel. This is still a better situation to handle but there’s no enthusiasm to go through any kind of pain. It’s a New Year and there was a great energy to live one of the great years but the first month has itself drained every bit out of me. I hope the upcoming days are wonderful. I can’t expect worst to come across as I shall not be able to fight through them. Well.. that’s it!

 

Thanks..

 

WRITING BUDDHA

GoodBye 2023!

2091st BLOG POST

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year 2024!!!

 

2023 has been a very chill yet a transformative year for me. Though there's nothing extreme that happened with me but yet Life took some turns and provided experience which will always list 2023 as one of the best years of my life.

 

Sharing few of the highlights from 2023:

• Purchased first car with my hard-earned money without applying for any loan
• Got my first Corporate-level job and the kind of monthly-package all of us dream when we slog in college
• Got my flat rented for the 1st time. It's great to realize that there's another stream of passive income as well
• Completed reading 36 books yet again. 9th Year when I have achieved my Reading Target successfully.
• Attended 10-days Vipassana course finally after planning it for 4 years
• Got a great opportunity to have a short conversation with my role-model - Mr. Amitabh Bachchan- A dream come true. Met him twice this year on the sets of Kaun Banega Crorepati.
• Met public figures such as Kiara Advani, Anupama Chopra, Ankur Warikoo, Raj Shamani and got chance to interact with the latter two.
• Met one of my favorite cousins - Rohit Bhaiya after 2 decades & spent quality time with him in Delhi.
• Attended my favorite comedian- Zakir Khan's Mannpasand show which is now available on Amazon Prime as well.
• Traveled Delhi, Nainital, Daman and Statue of Unity 
• Finally made some great friends at office after being trapped in Work From Home for last 3 years.
• Once again, enjoyed the arrival of New Year at Imagicaa with a college friend. Surprisingly, met someone with whom I connected at Vipassana recently. Realized how small the world is!

Hope 2023 was a great year for all of you and 2024 turns out to be the year you have always waited for!

Thanks

WRITING BUDDHA

When the vehicle drives you... And you just go along... That's LIFE!

2082nd BLOG POST

I remember in tough times; I always pray that why can’t everything be normal and stable. Then I remember the moments when I tell someone about my life and its important events – I always highlight the twists and turns which came unexpected in the journey and changed me completely because it broke a pattern and threw me off guard. Each time I felt that I will drown but every time I found myself above the level of water struggling and finally finding my shore to give myself a new beginning. And this new change has always brought some enthusiasm with it even though there has been nervousness and messiness in beginning. In hindsight, I have always appreciated these unexpected events which changed the path I was walking upon. I can’t even imagine how my life would have been if these events had not happened with me. I wouldn’t be wherever I have reached with the limited potentials that I have.

 

Last six months have been an amazing rollercoaster ride in terms of realization of few elements from my professional life. I made few changes initially to experience something new. Eventually, when I found something which seemed to be a perfect place, I was thrown away some place where I thought I would just end up in depression. Eventually, with little efforts in terms of understanding the work and bonding with people, I got my happiness back. The travel to office and back made another episode every day where I would read my favorite stuffs and observe people and think what they must be going through in their lives. These 5 hours of traveling every day made me understand a lot about myself.

 

Work from Home had made me quite comfort-oriented person and I felt there was nothing better than it. Now that I ended up traveling for almost 2 months for 5 hours every day to cover 140 kilometers daily, I learnt about myself that I am not someone who likes to sit at home and not meet new people. I met couple of new people in my office out of which 1-2 have become such a great bond that they are going to remain in my touch for rest of my life. Talking to people in a professional set-up in such a way that you make a brother out of them is an art I have learnt efficiently in my 8 years of working experience. I don’t aspire to become someone whom my colleagues would see only as a human machine who comes every day, does some work and leaves in the evening after generating some output. That’s my role, obviously, but only for earning enough to bring bread and butter at my home. Otherwise, the intention is always to find such people who can enhance my life to the next level.

 

Now that I had started becoming comfortable with the new ambience and environment, life came in between and reminded me that things can’t be the way even if we plan too much. It again changed my location, my set of people and whatever work I would get now. Right now, the state is of confusion, fear, disappointment and excitement. Confusion because I don’t know what’s happening as things have changed every 24 hours for me, fear because I don’t know if I would be able to take up the new challenge in the same manner as I did recently, disappointment because I won’t be spending my days with amazing colleagues who were becoming friends/brothers gradually and excitement because I am still hopeful that I might get something better than what I was provided.

 

Now that I am at this stage where the future is completely clueless, I am just loving the way life shows its properties every now and then. I am being completely aware of my emotions because these are the times when you learn about yourself the most. It tells you if you are an optimistic person or pessimistic. It tells if you look forward to things happily or crib about changes in your life. It tells a lot about the emotions and thoughts that goes within us in trying situations. Within these thoughts, there are one or two that ends up forming insights which helps us take great decisions ahead in life. Today, I am not sure what’ll happen next but I know how I am looking at this. I know what I have been through and I know what I am capable of. I know I might succeed or fail. But I know I will try. I know I will be ready to jump without worrying if I will die or survive. I am just flying as of now- not knowing where I am being led towards by the intense wind pushing me here and there. Let’s see if I will fall or fly even higher than I ever have. Life, take me wherever you want me - I am with you. 😊

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

Does Life really ever challenge us?

 2074th BLOG POST

Well, the only work you have when you fall sick is to think about your past or future. I am currently suffering with cold which made me take a day-off from work yesterday. While I was not able to get out of my bed due to weakness, I was thinking of the job change that I have made recently and everything felt so scary - managing the new work, new stakeholders, new team members, new environment blah blah blah! It made me think of all the uncomfortable times I have lived in past. While thinking of all such times when I was in comfort or panic, I realized that the cycle continued in every few years or months in my life. Not only mine, but while I was also thinking about my parents’ life which I have closely observed, I could understand the challenges that even they have to go through- either financially, physically or mentally.

 

I am at an age where I have already lived half of my life. I am just going to live around the same years- or maybe even less. It makes me realize how time has passed in a flick. It makes me go through all the great and foolish decisions I have taken to reach where I am. I remember when I was in school, how traumatic it was to see the kind of pressure everyone had built around 10^th board exam. I knew that I won’t score much because I felt everything was above my IQ level. Because I had decided this initially itself, I couldn’t manage to score even what I deserved to achieve.

 

My junior college days were one of the terrible years of my life. Going through extremely tough times where I was both- mentally and physically ill due to major incidents in my life which changed me forever. It was just 4 months remaining for the board exams when I decided to give my best shot and score whatever I can even if I fail. I did everything I could- ignored mobile phone, friends, television and all sorts of entertainment. With the grace of God, I passed the exam with marks more than I had expected.

 

After passing 12^th, it seemed that I can’t do great in graduation. It felt that I would not even get admission. I ended up getting admitted in one of the popular colleges in my city. In the last year, it again seemed that the Common Entrance Test was out of my zone and I won’t be able to do post-graduation easily. Once again, I got admission in the very first round. Finally, when I took up my first job which again seemed like a herculean task to get, I got to know that the projects are being developed for India’s leading Insurance brokers. I didn’t know anything about Insurance. I thought I won’t be able to make through the probation period. I got 3 promotions in less than 5 years in that organization.

 

Similarly, when I left the organization and found another job in Work-from-home model, I had given up on the fact that I could understand the project sitting at home by just talking with someone on call. Once again, I made through and got a promotion which gave me the tag of Manager- something I had not even aspired for. Now, as I had mentioned in the very first paragraph, I have left even this job recently and joined a new one- a subsidiary of one of the biggest entities of India. I knew that the new domain will be tough to grasp which I am currently struggling with. Once again, I am out of my comfort zone. Once again, I am at a place where it seems my ship is sinking. Once again, I feel vulnerable. Once again, I feel I might disappoint myself.

 

But when the body gave up to this seasonal change and I got to lie quietly and think of all such moments in my life when I had given up but still got up to give whatever I could to not only survive but try to carve my identity in a new environment, I was able to achieve the tough target. I know I am at a job which is not satisfactory at a moment but I realize that I could make it one if I don’t think too much about failure but only success. When we put all our efforts and strive for bettering ourselves, we prove ourselves time and again that we can win anything that comes our way. I know we also lose few races in this journey but all leads to one place in the end if we are committed and true to ourselves- VICTORY.

 

No matter what, if there’s a belief that there’s a lot more potential within us which we have still not capitalized, we try to unlock our inner strength and bring it into play. Once we are in the gaming zone, we know that our job is to just keep hitting bullets without worrying about multiple of them coming towards us from multiple directions. It helps us understand that we are made for bigger things because that’s how the nature functions. The world has come from stone-age era to this present world where technology has become a key to survive. This has happened only because the human beings at every stage gave their best to fight against the status quo and achieved something better. We have to just do what billions and trillions of people have kept doing this since millions of years on this planet. That’s our default settings. There’s no new task assigned to us – at any phase in our lives. It’s as normal as breathing which we do without even thinking about it.

 

I am writing this because I want to believe in this phenomenon once again when I conquer the current challenge. I want to read this again after I am done with hiking this mountain to understand how life plays the same game repeatedly making us believe that it’s a new and difficult one this time. Let’s see 😊

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

Does Life really change at the age of 33?

2069th BLOG POST

We know how digital marketing works these days. It understands everything about you and shows you contents/advertisements and everything crafted for you. Somehow, the Internet knows my age and I remember finding many videos in my timeline telling how life changes at the age of 33. I am 33 now. I got excited and watched couple of them. Well, they were more from a spiritual perspective where it told how things happen within us- which - if we acknowledge can help us grow spiritually better. Well, that’s good but I think there’s many other things that are happening with me at this age. I am struggling with 1000 of emotions occurring every second within me. It makes me feel restless, hopeless, confused and what not. I think this is what people call as mid-life crisis. Well, that’s a different story that these days even college pass-out students have started feeling the same due to multiple things their peers are doing whereas they are struggling to understand what they actually need to do in their life/career.

 

I am someone who has always felt proud of the fact that I don’t feel loneliness. Actually, I don’t. That’s in my personality. That’s how my core system functions. It is at its best whenever it finds itself alone. The moment my sensors identify that my space and personal life is getting tampered, it starts giving me red signals. In the modern language, red flags. I just start waiting for the time when I would be back alone to do stuffs I like doing or just sit in peace and think about various aspects – write down my journal, diary or just scribble a shayari/poetry and share it with my folks on social media and go to sleep listening to an audio/music helping me generate positive thoughts. But lately, I have started getting frustrated with my own company. I just feel running away from myself. I don’t know what is it and I am finding it hard to manage.

 

I am hating myself so much that I don’t like anything I do or even, achieve. I was in a Job which I was enjoying. Suddenly, I started getting frustrated for something which otherwise I love – traveling. I got a new job – first time I am working in a corporate structure with one of the biggest institutions of India. I thought that I would feel satisfactory here. It has been a month and I still don’t feel at ease. There’s a sense of incompleteness. I got a pay-package I was aspiring since long – an amount that all of us crave for since we start working. I got my first salary. Even that didn’t excite me. This is so bloody unlike me. I am not like this at all. I am someone who celebrates even the smallest of things.

 

Earlier, when I read books, I felt great. Now, when I read books, I feel like watching a Podcast. The moment I start watching it, I feel like watching a series. When I watching that, I feel I should be working on a Certification course. When I am doing it, I feel like I should be spending time with people. When I do that, I feel I should be alone and work upon my Me-stuffs. When I do that, I feel why am I alone. I don’t know if this is a form of a stress or depression but whatever this is, it is not a happy feeling at all. I am crying and worrying for no reasons. There’s nothing wrong in my life but still.

 

Similarly, all the people I love are the same people I am not wanting to express my love anymore. I know they are my people and I need to be loving them. I try doing it but a voice within me asks me to wait and see how much love do I get from them before giving. And the problem with any kind of relationship is that the moment you start calculating the transactions to know how much you got in return, it starts getting ruined. I have stopped expressing my love at all. The people I shared virtual hugs or kisses have completely stopped. The people I would give gifts have stopped. The people I wanted to meet have stopped. I don’t find reasons to ask my friends out. I even don’t talk much at home. I have stopped calling people on their birthdays. I have even stopped picking lot of phones. How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why is my EGO over-powering me?

 

And as we know life is funny, from the moment I have started feeling this, even people are not leaving a single mark in disappointing me and making me believe more – that - it’s better not to gel with anyone. Someone is not making efforts in meeting me. Someone is not calling me at all knowing how much I like talking to them. Someone I am giving hints to see me once is not understanding it. Someone is blaming me for something I have not done intentionally. Someone is hiding about their life’s important events with me knowing how much I like getting involved in such processes. Someone who promised would meet me is traveling my city and going back without even letting me know once. How can all of this happen at once- my system holding me back and – simultaneously - people assuring that they don’t make efforts in maintaining relationship with me?

 

I am unsure if this happens at 33 or not. Hating others is okay for once (Haha!) but having the same feeling for myself is really worrying me because this has never happened earlier. I am unable to make decisions. I have to buy a phone but even with offers in place, I am not able to proceed ahead. I want to give best at my work but I am just spending time and leave. I am wanting to create videos but I don’t wish to make any efforts. I wish to explore my city after office hours but I am directly driving back to home. I am in doubt if this is because of loneliness. But how can that be possible? It has been my only weapon to handle everything till now. How can it become my weakness all of a sudden? I don’t trust in the institution of marriage anymore. My process knows that – but - a thought creeps in that it must be happening with everyone after 30 which is why people marry and have someone with whom they can share all- good and bad moments – and such vulnerable moments too. Thankfully, this occurs as a momentary thought but leaves as soon as I read what’s happening with boys in India in terms of false cases.

 

Something needs to work but nothing is working. Even meditation and spirituality are not giving any pleasures. This should be one of the most satisfying days for me as I had good traveling week recently. I visited some great places. Clicked good photos. Got great family and individual pictures too. Got a great job with expected package. Made new buddies. Parents are doing well in their lives. It’s just that my thoughts are not stable. I am ending up ruining my peace as well as relationships. Reason why I have stopped chatting or talking with my favorite people. I don’t know till when it will continue. I just hope it happens only up till I am 33. Haha! That’s the only wish. Maybe, I will write more blog posts in this vulnerable situation so that anyone of you going through the same may know that you are not alone. And also, when I get better, I know what I went through so that if it happens again, I know that I got over this in past. Hmmm…

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA 

Sometimes Losing is more essential than Winning!

2068th BLOG POST

Well, it is after a long time when I am writing something too personal which I don’t know if it’s even required or not. But there’s a bug in my heart which is getting frustrated until I don’t end up writing it here. Since 2020, I got a bit more religious than I ever was. I started understanding few concepts and logics that Sanatan Dharm wishes to tell us. I started admiring the tales of Lord Ram and Krishn as they were really inspiring and taught about the depth of life than anything else. While reading a lot more, I got to know about fortnight fasting known as Ekadashi and I started keeping it since 2020 itself. It has become a great ritual for me which I love following and I even share the updates about it with my folks so that everyone can refrain themselves from any wrong or bad practices.

 

There is one very interesting fast out of all 24-26 Ekadashi fasting which occurs during the season of Summer and is known as Nirjala or Bhimsen Ekadashi. It basically means that you have to refrain from even consuming water for more than 24 hours. Definitely, it’s not easy to refrain myself as I am someone who drinks minimum 3 liters of water every day. Sometimes, the count reaches even beyond 5 liters. Earlier, the 3 Nirjala Ekadashis that I kept were during Work from Home phase when somehow, I managed to accomplish it successfully. This time, it was actually tough because I have started going to office. I was still of the notion that I will survive as I travel by car in A/C, office is completely A/C, my bedroom has an A/C. But no, it didn’t happen as easily as I had believed it would be.

 

I had my induction on the same day and every thing was fine until 4 PM when I started realizing that I am getting a headache. But as I always boost myself, I thought it’s a minor thing happening to me and let’s not focus upon it. Eventually, I started feeling drowsy and it seemed I would fall anytime whenever I tried walking around in office for something. I thought of just sitting at one place. Suddenly, I also started getting vomiting sensation and then I thought there’s something seriously hurting me within and I need to give-up. As soon as the word “GIVE-UP” came as a keyword, all the sensations within me started fighting against it. How can I give up on something that I have continued successfully for last 3 years? I would end up losing the consistency. And I am someone who loves being consistent- at least I try to be.

 

Lastly, I just couldn’t handle myself and I thought of just taking a sip thinking that it would be enough to feel better but it didn’t work. I gave a thought if I should drive myself back home or take a cab but my KEEP GOING attitude made me sit on the driving seat and start the journey back home. I kept feeling blank and drowsy while driving and I thought of taking left and park myself but then, I wasn’t in my senses to move my vehicle looking at all the vehicles, calculating their speed and accordingly move from extreme right to left. I thought of continuing on my lane and trust upon God to make me reach safely at home. Finally, when it was around 4-5 kms away from home, I could feel that I was about to vomit anytime. I was holding it for long but eventually, you can’t win against body’s nature.

 

Sensing the illness, I immediately pulled the cleaning cloth I use to dust my car and put it up on my lap so that I don’t end up messing myself and the car while vomiting. And the real tragedy happened here. Because I hadn’t eaten anything since last 24 hours, my body had nothing to throw out. At last, that one sip of water I managed to drink in office before leaving came out of the system and somehow the vomiting process relaxed. But it caused extreme pain to my chest, ribs, upper stomach and even the muscles of shoulder as it also got strained as it was trying to control steering while the body was struggling. I reached home, lied down on my bed and woke up after 4 hours just before midnight. Ate a bit of something which is allowed in fasting, drank few sips of water and juices before sleeping again after having 2-3 tablets for relaxing my headache and drowsiness.

 

Since then, there is a continuous extreme pain in my chest, ribs, neck, throat and few veins and muscles in left shoulder. I am suffering with short-breathe and what-not. I have learnt a very big lesson from this whole experience. We should give-up wherever necessary without flattering our egos. We need to understand that though we achieved something before doesn’t mean that we will keep achieving it always. There are times when we can fail and we should accept it graciously. Yes, there’s a disappointment that I couldn’t end fasting successfully but it wouldn’t have provided anything good even if I would have managed to complete it.

 

The Supreme Power would never want one of its creations suffer just because of a commitment he has made which is actually not bringing any change to this world. I also understood that our body can sometimes handle tedious tasks even in tough environment whereas it can’t accomplish the easiest of all even after having the most convenient set-up. We shouldn’t punish it for the same but understand it. I am glad that I reached home safely after having the most difficult driving session of my life where I was just praying to reach safely than anything. I wish I get better soon. I have a request from everyone reading this to please not push your body when it’s actually not needed. And Give-up when you know you can’t do it anymore after giving your best. Be cautious while trying any type of dieting, intermittent fasting, exercise or anything similar or otherwise. That’s it!

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

Insomnia - Fighting A Lone Battle!

2054th BLOG POST

None of us talk a lot about our nights. We talk about waking up early, doing morning routine, traveling for work, spending day at office, traveling back to home, spending time with family, working on our side hustle if there’s any and then going for the much-needed sleep. But my issue starts after this. The days are almost the same for all of us - the way we have created our modern lifestyle where we have to earn penny in order to survive on this planet- get food on our plates and fulfill our dreams. This is a set template where the only difference is that all of us do different kind of work and earn different amount of money as per our talents, skills and strengths. You can keep on fighting and competing with your friends, peers, colleagues and anyone on the horizon but the routine will remain to be the same. There are very few professions who have their day routine quite distinct and different from this template but otherwise, it’s all same.

 

My problem starts from the time I am done with my day and get ready to lie on the bed to sleep. It is then that every cell of my body starts getting restless. It makes me realize that even though I have had a satisfactory day where I have performed all my tasks and I am quite cool about my present day or moment, but there’s something in the subconscious mind which makes it difficult for my body and mind to even think that I can get a proper sleep. So, I remember- Earlier, I would get down on bed, play an instrumental music for 5-10 minutes in a very low volume and find my thoughts speeding down. It would be an indication that my system has realized that it’s night and it should allow my body to go into the switch off mode for next 7-8 hours. I would then turn off the music and would never remember when I fell asleep. Such good times!

 

Now, the issue is – since I didn’t get a good sound sleep from more than 30 months now, I become very conscious when I get ready to sleep. In fact, the condition is that I know that I can never plan my sleep because it does 100 things to my brain. I don’t know if it’s a psychological defect or some sort of mental health that needs to be medically treated. Now I lie down and find myself pressing my eyes so hard as if I am forcing sleep to arrive from somewhere and get into my body. I didn’t realize this earlier but from last few weeks, I am able to reflect while closing my eyes that it’s not a normal calm posture. Everything is stiff at that point of time. It is like I am aware of how I am making my hands and legs believe that they are tired and need to drop down. I am making my face be in a certain position on the pillow so that it can also be fooled that it’s sleeping. My eyelids are pressed so tightly that I realize about all this false posture I have been in after eyes start paining.

 

It becomes difficult to sleep after that. I keep on turning right and left, changing my directions, turning on music, turning off music, drinking water, going to washroom, changing fan speed, throwing away bedsheet and then again searching for it and what not. It becomes such a scary situation that I find that I have been lying down on bed since hours and yet I am not sleepy. I start chanting mantras then I sit for meditation then I remember all the good times – but all in vain. At last, I get up and pop in a melatonin pill and wait for another few minutes for it to work but I think body has become immune of it. I then think of picking up that bloody instrument called mobile but my body gives an alarm that you can’t do something that’s completely not going to make you feel sleepy at all.

 

I know I have come down a very huge mountain of bad phase but the pain that it has caused to my body and mind will keep it sore for some more days and will keep on haunting me for some days. I am aware of all of this. My problem is that I am completely okay mentally during the day time but what happens suddenly when it’s only about finding a good sleep? Why is everything making it difficult for my body and mind to take a good rest to feel repaired and fresh after a new sun rises tomorrow morning? How far will I have to suffer to get a long streak of good sleep cycle to make me feel fresh and delighted when I wake up in the morning? Every morning feels like I have woken up with a small burden of yesterday. When will I open my eyes in the morning with a good smile on my face and see a new day as a new day? Why am I not being subjected to a normal night routine? What is my fault? What wrong have I done? There are so many questions but no answer. I know that even tonight, I’ll close my eyelids involuntarily by pressing it tightly and realizing after few minutes that this is not how it should be shut for sleeping. It should be automatic and not forced. Huh!

 

LIFE!!!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

3 Years of Lockdown.. My Bad & Good Moments in Flashback!

2051st BLOG POST

There is one tough phase which will always remain common to all of us began 3 years back when the Prime Minister of the country announced lockdown in order to stop the spread of Coronavirus on the same day. Though it didn’t work out as the virus was stronger than us and eventually resulted in loss of many precious lives that none of us could have ever imagined. I remember that I had saved all my leaves for that financial year to travel to Ratnagiri in the March end of 2020. The trip, obviously, got cancelled but even my leaves turned into a non-paid ones and I received only 2/3^rd part of my salary. Something which I didn’t like and it became the root cause of leaving the organization 2 months later where I had spent almost 5 years of my initial professional career.

 

Lockdown began as a great moment for me as I am quite a homely person so I got time to stay at home and spend time in reading books, spending time with my parents and helping my mother in household chores. Later, when I got access for WFH, life got little terrible but I continued my weight-loss activities at home and within a quarter- went from 78 kgs to 65 kgs i.e. Lost 13 kgs in the process. As soon as I started feeling healthy, the obvious happened – I got infected with virus quite severely which led me into getting unconscious while brushing my teeth one morning and then I found myself directly in the ICU of the isolation ward and stayed there for 8-10 days. It almost felt that I would not return back due to short-breathiness but God has been kind to my parents and all of you and I returned back. Ok Sorry! Even my father was admitted and got discharged before me. God bless him!

 

Just before this period, in the month of May when I resigned from my organization without having another job in hand, I think my father took it far more seriously and he suffered a minor heart-attack and got admitted for 7 days. It was quite tough traveling to hospital and staying there all day in midst of covid spreading in its full power. Somehow, all the medical issues were resolved in first 6 months and I got a new job which was going great and then our family got punched by another issue which took us around two years to fight and come out of it. It has been the 2^nd toughest period of my life which led me towards extreme stress, fear and at times, depression of highest level. I turned insomniac and I am still fighting with it. I tried everything- anxiety doses, melatonin, sleeping pills, listening music, meditating but nothing gave me a good sleep. Somehow, now, I have started getting a better sleep but some nights are still tough.

 

This was the 1^st time when I questioned my country regarding how safe it is for someone who is innocent but have to go through a useless process of proving it. Anyway, this is one experience which has taught me a lot about myself, my family and close family friends. In the toughest period, when you see only darkness ahead, it’s your family that stays by you and actually fight along with you. Others can only give you sympathy or motivate you to fight for yourself but family will take the bullets themselves on behalf of you. In our teenage and 20s, we feel that family is the only reason why we are so restricted in life but eventually only in our tough times we understand that even your best friends are just a tag but you will need your parents, siblings and very close relatives around you to finally get out of a bad phase. Some friends are still special and do more than relatives but these are rare cases and I had a couple of people who stood like family during this period.

 

Amidst all this, to refresh myself, I went on for a 3000-kms road trip to Jhansi, Gwalior, Khajuraho, Orccha, Datia, Indore etc. which made me understand a bit of history and great fighters who fought against big powers to save our nation, temples, monuments and what not. I stayed for 1.5 months at Jhansi – a city very different from Mumbai but it felt homely with the love of my inspirational chachiji, my siblings (with whom I bonded so strongly that even when I think about them now, I get emotional and find tears in my eyes) and their extended family as well. These 1.5 months at Jhansi have become such a reference point in my life that talking about any topic, I end up mentioning it because of it’s impact in my life. Then my sister came to stay with us in Mumbai for 2 months which was another beautiful phase as both of us cooked together, watched movies, traveled a bit, talked a lot, hugged a lot and shared many beautiful moments which will stay as one of the most pleasant experiences. May God bless her always!

 

It has been 3 years now and I am still working from home. This has made me spend so much time with myself and meet very less people that it helped me understand what I need from life and what not. It has given me the clarity which is helping me take tough decisions even today. Even I am surprised how I am able to take the routes which aren’t so friendly but I realize it’s essentiality for me to move ahead for my progress and betterment. I have understood how to use money and now I have stopped spending a lot on upgrading my mobile phones, eating outside, watching movies in theaters and other useless stuffs we buy just to impress others. I am comfortable with myself now. I know where I lack and I love spending time on getting those loopholes filled as soon as possible. I have become a lot patient which helps me to be okay if I don’t get instant results.

 

I now spend more time with myself, my family, extended family and finally, with my friends. Because this is the order in which people stay with you in your tough times. I have stopped chasing people who don’t contact me. I have reduced expectations from a lot of people. I am still working upon the same with few as I am very emotionally attached with them which hurts me because eventually being a human being, I end up hoping love in return – which is obviously not shown or given in return in the amount I aspire to receive. You know, human beings and their expectations, right? Haha! One another good thing to have happened during lockdown is the telecast of Ramayan which helped me get into my religious texts, learn a lot about Lord Ram, get admired and inspired by him and I regularly try to be as righteous as possible in all my conducts. Now, I feel ashamed of lot of acts I have done in my past. But it is said -Jab Jaago Tab Sawera so giving myself this benefit of doubt – I am trying to lead life following my Sanatan Dharm as much as possible.

 

Well, I just felt sharing my emotions on completion of 3 years of lockdown which took me in flashback and made me remember all- bad and good times. Bad before Good because they were more in quantity than good. Alas! I thank God that I didn’t lose any of my favorite and close people during this tough period and I have everyone with me even after the pandemic. What more should one ask for in life? Isn’t it? It has atleast made me and obviously, you, realize that nothing comes before our family because only when we realize that we might lose them, we understand their importance in our life which we don’t generally think due to extremely busy schedules. Well, I feel like writing more but it’s already 1300 words so let’s stop here. Haha!

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

Rewinding 2022... Welcoming 2023...

2044th BLOG POST

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year 2023. I know I have been late but it’s still the 1^st week, guys, I hope this shall be considered. Haha! There were too many things to wrap up and I wanted to write only when I felt physically and mentally fit after a roller-coaster ride I had in December- where I worked a lot professionally because I had a 9-days trip planned + had to read and review 8 books because I was falling short of the Yearly target of 36 Books + just after the trip, attended this amazing New Year party which broke every muscle in my body. Last 3 days have gone in fixing those tissues again. Haha! Also, attending office after traveling becomes very tiresome. Well, lot of excuses has been given and I hope I am forgiven by now.

 

2022 is finally a thing of past and I am so happy about it. Everyone who are close to me know how many times I must have told them that I am carrying a baggage since 2021 and I don’t want to take it with me in 2023. I need everything to end in 2022 itself. Thankfully, I am out of the major issue in my life which was taking toll on my mental health and have already screwed my sleeping pattern. But hopefully, the last trip that I had with my parents was meant to get out of that zone and I feel I am far better and highly motivated now.

 

It seems I have almost found my lost self again and the boy still wants to work a lot, achieve a lot, hustle a lot, earn a lot, save a lot, love a lot and well, also die soon because he doesn’t want to be in this body anymore. The soul has been realized and it is wanting to get free of this body which has its own destiny that keeps giving scar to this beautiful soul which doesn’t want anyone’s downfall or bad ever. Sorry, I went into a darker space here.

 

So, as I said, days have been tough right since 2020 for me and only I know how I have survived last 3 years. One thing that I would want life is to give only one bad year at a time and not 3 consecutive years in a package anymore. Haha! I am tough but not enough tougher. Pushing myself towards happiness – well, the right word would be Survival has been a very painful experience. For most of the people, I have been living a fake life and I don’t know what would they think of me whenever they’ll understand what I have gone through. But let it happen when it’ll happen. It shall be another experience to learn how people perceive you after knowing how much you have hidden about yourself from them.

 

Any year can’t be complete without both- Ups and Downs. It’s just that you might not have been able to enjoy every moment completely because of that one big unwanted baggage on your head but there has surely been some key events in 2022 for which the year will also be remembered more than everything else. I would like to share few of them with you in no specific order:

• Won a free Kindle device from an Instagram giveaway by entrepreneur, Karan Bajaj. Since then, reading e-books have become an integral part of my bibliophilic journey.
• Got possession of the biggest asset I have purchased till date.
• Attended 1^st Cricket match in a stadium and witnessed my idol, Virat Kohli, play live in front of me.
• Travelled by Local train after almost 27 months – I don’t think it will ever take this amount of time for me to be away from lifeline of this city.
• Attended Zakir Khan's stand-up special- Tathastu and got one thing checked off from my Bucket-List of watching him perform live. Now, the show is available for all to watch on Amazon Prime.
• Travelled twice to Delhi for an official visit but met many friends and family members – some even after 17 years. Just Imagine!
• Met all my younger cousins this year – WooHoo! A big thing for a Single-child like me.
• Surprised my sister on her birthday by being at her place 1000 kms far without telling her. Her expressions will stay with me until I live.
• Met all my immediate relatives and few – not-immediate but favorite ones too. Something I generally don’t plan and aspire for. But the experience was beautiful due to the tough phase I was going through.
• Got my Udemy course completion done on Product Management – something which was pending at my end since an year.
• Got promoted at office to Associate Product Manager – again something I didn’t plan but definitely worked in the similar direction and got the unexpected result.
• Got my father's successful knee surgery done. It is definitely a happy moment every time I see him walking kilometers without pain. God must always bless parents with good health.
• Attended KBC shoot for the 4^th time and witnessed the greatest Mr. Amitabh Bachchan perform live. It is always a life-changing experience watching him so closely.
• Travelled in Rajdhani for the 1st time while returning from one of the official trips. Train journeys are not always so luxurious. Jinko pata hai unko pata hai!
• Attended Amish Tripathi's book launch of War of Lanka. It’s a beautiful feeling to be meeting your favorite author and getting inspired for my own blogging journey.
• Met few celebrities such as Soha Ali Khan, Kunal Kemmu, Aditi Govitrikar, Manini Mishra, Bhavna Roy, Reeta RM Gupta etc.
• Attended my Dadiji's barsi (first death anniversary ritual) – again something I would have otherwise missed due to life’s extreme schedule.
• Started cycling after more than 15 years and it feels good riding a vehicle – not with the help of an engine but your physical force.
• Had the only annual family trip at Ratnagiri for a week – something I have already mentioned in the beginning of the post for seeking your forgiveness. Anyway, this has been very refreshing and you must know by now, I love beaches any day.
• Didn’t miss a single Ekadashi fasting ritual
• Had my 1st outdoor DJ party for New Year eve. I danced like a crazy maniac for 4 hours continuously just because I wanted to release myself of all the bad memories of 2022. I think purpose has mostly been served.

 

For 2023, I have definitely planned few very particularly challenging goals because life was in a stagnant phase for last 3 years. The above list might look contradictory to this statement but it all drills down to how you feel mentally- and I wasn’t much sound there. Now, I think I am – a bit stronger – a bit motivated – a bit purpose-driven. I will definitely want to keep things personal as of now and would share with you as and when I achieve these tough goals because I have to minimize the gap of whatever I have lost in these 34 months. But I am sure with your wishes and blessings, everything will happen successfully. Last year, I had written only 57 Blog Posts – the lowest in my 13+ years blogging journey but hopefully, 2023 will almost have more than double of this number. Again- your motivation will be required.

 

So, this was all I wanted to talk on the occasion of new year. I would be waiting for your emails now to know yours. 😊

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA