18 November 2014 | By: Writing Buddha

I don't want my CHILDHOOD back!!!

1174th BLOG POST -->>

        Recently, we celebrated Children's Day. Politically, it has been made a war between who owns Chaha Nehru but I am not interested either in Nehru or which party deserves him more. I was thinking only about children and cute little kids who bring smile on our faces every now and then through their gestures and playful nature. They laugh, cry, sleep, walk, wake, talk, jump, falls- all at the same time and that's the fun and chill they provide us. Seeing children and reading about how some people miss their childhood, I was thinking if I need my childhood back. Then I thought about the range of age in which a human being is considered to be a child. I did not get any perfect answer. 

           People say that we will miss our teenage a lot as soon as they cut their 20th birthday cake. How is it possible that you have grown enough mature just in a day that now you consider yourself a mature person to hold responsibilities than to be the one who tried almost everything he shouldn't have? We shouldn't be so reactive about how our personality would seem if we remain to be the same playful or immature person we were till now. I have seen few people in their 25th year smoking, drinking, riding bikes at 120 km/hr, having night-out with the same excitement and even having sex as if they have received Oscar for lifetime achievement. For them, the teenage is still on. There's no range of age for them. You must have heard people saying that certain elder uncle is still a child and therefore if he's not at party, party is not a fun anymore. If carrying the childhood till the last breathe would have been so foolish, the uncle wouldn't have been missed at the parties. Right?

          But considering my childhood, I feel good that it has been left behind. There used to be so much competition in the colonies that aunties would never let us roam on roads if we didn't score a decent marks or scored more than the average of my classmates living in that society. Our parents themselves were so passionate about our marks that for them, our life was nothing than a marks-scoring machine. That was a scary phase of my life because studies never excited me something as a full-time. I also needed a fun-time which my parents mostly neglected to grant me. That was painful and something that used to fill anguish in me. 

          I was very dumb kind of a child or you can say, introvert basically when I just entered my school. The nature remained the same until I completed my 5th std. I was very boring and therefore my friends never took me in their teams whenever we played Cricket, Kabaddi or any game. No one partnered me whenever there were games in our club. It was quite a humiliation daily. I used to plead at home to send me out for playing. But when I was sent, there was no one who was interested in playing with me. Suddenly, I realized and found myself in loneliness. I observed that I had great sense of humour whenever I talked with myself about anything. I just needed guts to crack the same jokes in public so that the boys of my age group shall realize my importance too. That worked. I became a talking topic in the colony.

         With this new found attention of my friends and everyone around me, I left everything behind including studies and all my time started getting invested in creating jokes and cracking them. Even when I used to sit on my study table in the evening, I used to think about how I have to make my friends laugh next morning in the school bus. I used to create funny shayaris, non-veg songs etc. This took me down from 97% to 89% to 80% to 75% to 67% to 60.80% in SSC examination. I was shocked and realized how I had wasted everything I had as the power of having a genius brain. As a child, I didn't get my priority right as the toppers of my class used to plan. I was always known as brilliant child even when I was going down day by day because of the initial respect and rapport I had built with my extra-ordinary percentages. Therefore, I never felt that I should get on the right track again. Because of wrong influences, I grew a new tendency that I would show the world that greatness can be achieved even without studying and having great knowledge. Huh!

          Also in my childhood, I felt myself very lonely because of being a single-child. With time, I saw my parents distancing from me. My father worked for 70-80 hours at a stretch and didn't have good time to spend with me. My mother was herself a working lady hence she would be busy meeting her deadlines and maintaining public relationship for the growth of her business. I found myself alone at home almost every time. Even when my parents were home, because of sheer pressure of society on a child's result, they would lock the door of bedroom to make me sit inside and study. Sometimes, I wanted to talk with them but because I was also beaten twice a week at an average, I never had the confidence of speaking my mind to my parents. This took away all the emotions from me which has somewhere affected my personality till today. 

          Now, I can say "I love you, papa" seeing into his eyes without any shyness. Now I can tell my mother how I am feeling about my life and future etc. I talk with my parents at stretch today. They are my friends now. They discuss everything with me even if it's about money. I missed the same involvement and companionship from them in my childhood. I always thought that considering I don't have any sibling, they should love me a bit more than they believe they should but Alas, I was alone. Yes, I was! Hence, I totally hate my childhood. It was divided in two parts. Initial years in begging everyone to accept me, associate with me and feel my existence and latter years in ruining my potentials because I got the most awaited attention from the same people who never looked at me in primary school. For me, Children's day is less about fun but more about the scary days that still haunts me. I don't want my childhood back like you. :-) 



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