18 October 2022 | By: Writing Buddha

How Self-Neglect is being sold on the name of Self-Love...

2033rd BLOG POST

I remember when times changed on social media during the lockdown and people started consuming content nonstop. This led many influencers create contents around depression or self-care because all of us were going through tough times. Many of us were also self-analyzing ourselves. We were trying to change our thought process. We were nullifying few of our assumptions. I was also reading many things on Internet and following what people were actually trying to project through their Youtube videos, reels, posts and blogs. I was personally going through a very heavy phase so I was trying to find some new ways in life to get on with it and see what the inclusion of new philosophy does. As it is said- Class is permanent, Form is Temporary – I realized something on the same lines. All that I had read in the popular self-help books in the last decade turned out to be the truest and real lessons whereas whatever these people on social media were projecting was nothing but click-bait content and life-ruining advices.


Social media mainly talked about the logic of Self-love something that we missed when we were indulged in the fast-paced academics or corporate life which is all about completing important stuffs before the deadline. Hence, when we got little time in WFH and when someone asked us to be comfortable with ourselves and love ourselves for what we are, there was no second thinking needed. We liked hearing it so much. In our loneliness, all we wanted to hear was good thing about the only person we were spending time with – Ourselves. Initially, it did help. We stopped worrying about others because anyway, they were not to be seen anywhere around us. We started living the way we wanted. We also became convenient with our lows – such as less finances or bad body shapes etc. We started eating whatever we liked. We started spending time on couch watching series after series and being happy about not missing a single trending content people were talking about online.


Eventually, the world started racing again as the virus started getting weak with the help of vaccines or herd-immunity or whatever it was, we started interacting with others – getting out of the home – and realized what we have done to ourselves. We were less healthy – less enthusiastic – less skilled – less progressed – less in relationships and less in almost everything which we would have definitely been better if everything was normal. How did this whole Self-love thing work against us whereas it was meant to make us feel more peaceful, content and satisfied? It happened because we were sold Self-Neglect in the name of Self-Love. There wasn’t a single thing about loving self. It was all about neglecting ourself. Hence, we thought if we are sleeping more, we are loving ourself as we are finding peace and love in it. We were ordering food as it was the only thing ON and were thinking we are providing love to ourself by making the soul feel accomplished by feeding it the taste it was craving for. We were okay with watching OTT, Youtube and Reels as it was giving the dopamine rush all of us feel charged up with.


This affected us in almost every way possible – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, progressively etc. We forgot that the real wealth is actually being healthy- exercising more – eating right nutrition – avoiding junk food – sleeping on time – waking up on time – taking the required sunlight or supplements. We forgot that meditation, classical music, yoga will make our mind relaxed and will allow us to take difficult challenges more positively and enthusiastically. We didn’t identify that upskilling ourselves by watching courses online or getting that long pending certification will eventually help us get a better position or job which we will love doing rather than being in touch with the OTT series/movies that everyone was watching and talking about on social media. Resisting from ordering that unwanted mobile, earphone, dress, smartwatch etc. would have made us financially stronger enabling us to spend money on better objectives.


All of these are the self-loving elements in our life rather than getting comfortable with our failures, procrastinations, weaknesses. Over that, also hanging them on our head as a crown for the world to see & ask us about it and then retaliating to tell them how it is all okay to not be successful and driven. Self-love is all about taking your care just like you do for your loved ones but do you ever ask your parents to stop doing yoga and eat unhealthily? Do you ever ask your siblings to stop upskilling and learning and be okay with less knowledge and no competition? Do you ever ask your children to stop studying and being okay with those failed marksheets? You want them to do well with the things important at their age. Isn’t it? So how could you believe in these tactics that prescribed not being the best version of yourself is okay? How spending day on your bed if you don’t want to work is self-care? If you need rest, it’s great. But if you want rest, it’s laziness.


Try understanding these small differences. It will clear all your doubts. Either with a set goal or a freestyle approach, your agenda should be to create days in your life which will remain memorable for you because of that one great thing you did, you learnt, you achieved or you read. Remember all those days when you were perfectly fine but yet did nothing for your growth. How do you feel about them? Angry on yourself, right? Or just remember the time you spent today watching those short videos – someone dancing, singing, speaking, acting in it. What did it serve you? How do you feel investing time in it which gave nothing in return except few hours wasted of your precious time today? Now, remember all those days when you were sick and rested throughout the day and did nothing. Are you feeling bad about them? Not really, right? Why? Because it needed you to pause, take care of yourself in order to get back to your best life. That’s the difference between self-neglect and self-love.


Whatever you can change and improve about yourself, please do. Today is the only day you are living. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Plan for today. Just today. And do all the tasks. That’s how you will create a good life for yourself which will be all about loving yourself and giving yourself priority over everything else. Be with family and friends but understand the limits. Go on vacations to refuel yourself but not because some social media post is making you feel like going somewhere. Stop craving. Start resisting to such temptations. You are powerful. You need to love yourself – but in the right way. In this case, you can’t even tell anyone that you have been toxic to yourself – the word we so easily use for our family, partners and bosses. Isn’t it? Haha! Stay away from such relaxations before you start blaming yourself for everything that’s gone wrong in your life.





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