World Mental Health Day:- My Experience of fighting with DEPRESSION

 1876th BLOG POST

Today is a very important day. The day about which people don’t feel like talking about or don’t even care some times. I am talking about “World Mental Health Day” which is being celebrated today. Well, it’s not exactly celebrating but more about creating awareness about Mental Health which is given the least importance out of all the health issues that our body suffers. In my first half of life, I wasn’t aware if anything of this sort exists. It was just about being happy or sad which simply meant – if you are doing good in studies and your parents are proud of you – you stay happy whereas if your academic results aren’t as expected, you end up being sad. This was just the basic human reactions. This is what I believed.

 

Now, when I try to recall, I remember there were few classmates who always stayed in a zone where I never saw them smile and their personality was such that they always remained to be someone with whom no one befriended with. I feel so worse now that no one among us understood them. And hence, Mental Health Day is an important day when we should talk about our experiences if we had any or if not, then the experience of someone we know who went through it. So, after I did my 10^th and moved out of my protective home for my Junior college, things started changing for me. I was just unable to concentrate on academics. I didn’t meet my childhood friends much after a while. Later, I stopped attending classes. But all of this also happened because I was in a very toxic environment.

 

Later, when my father came to know about my bunking of classes, I was brought back to home in between the academic year. I finally realized that I have screwed things up. And because before that I stayed in a Colony environment where you are in a race with the classmates who stayed in the same colony in terms of who scored what rank and secured what percentage, I felt that losing a year is such a horrific performance. How will I face the world? I suddenly started feeling worthless. I just started imagining what my parents must be thinking of me – the only child and even he failed in the only job he needs to do- study.

 

After this incident, my personality changed completely. I, who was always very naughty and mischievous, went into my cocoon. I didn’t want to come out of my room whenever anyone came at my home. I stopped being in touch with my childhood friends and all the acquaintances that I had developed a little bit of relationship with. I stopped watching movies and listening songs. I started having different kind of suicidal thoughts. I always felt that the world is not meant for me as someone can’t fail and lose so much. I used to cry for no reasons at times. I tried to build myself again by doing some Computer classes but unfortunately, nothing could bring me up.

 

And this continued for next 2 years…

 

I also went to a psychiatrist – I had multiple sessions. I goofed up even there. I was given a tablet to relax in night so that I could have proper sleep whereas another tablet to stay alert throughout the day. I don’t know what I heard when doctor prescribed but I started taking them the other way around which made the case more vulnerable – I started staying up whole night overthinking and crying for no reason and then when the time came to attend college, I would start feeling sleepy. Post that, I tried various things to get out of this zone- wearing clothes of only one colour, wearing gems, going to several temples, chanting mantras etc. but it didn’t work out. But the only positive thing was that I accepted that things were wrong with me because I was myself missing my old version as it was such a fun character whereas this one was so gloomy.

 

And then I landed upon a book named “Who will cry when you die” by Robin Sharma which opened a different perspective and horizon of life for me. I, then, started self-improvement and adopting things that the book suggested and I immediately found myself enough motivated that nothing could stop me from doing whatever I planned for the day. There was still a depressive worm inside me which took another 6 months to completely leave me. These 3 years always stays to be the learning year for me as I can see all the versions of myself during the phase- the most vulnerable self and later, the fighter who beat that zone and moved out.

 

It’s not that I changed like magic and never went back to that phase. You never get the key to be away from depression forever after fighting against it once. It can hit you every time in a new way and you have to deal with it. The same happened again since last year and I think I am still fighting it. Unfortunately, again lockdown happened and I became all alone to fight against it but I think things are on my way currently.

 

These days we use the word “Depression” just like that for anything that does not go our way. As soon as we feel anything that’s not happiness or satisfaction, we term it “Depression”. And that is why Mental health is losing its importance because everyone starts calling themselves depressed for small reasons hence the person who is actually suffering with it doesn’t get the attention he needs to fight with it. On this very day, as I have tried and managed to speak about my days, I want all of you reading this to share as and whenever this happens to you. Being mentally weak doesn’t mean that you are psycho. It only means that either you are facing it due to medical reasons or because you have lost the spirit to live. This is treatable and curable. You just need to accept it and try different things – you will finally get that one reason which shall start throwing depression away from your life. My best wishes are with everyone who is fighting with this. I am sure you will win.

 

Thanks.

 

WRITING BUDDHA