How Self-Neglect is being sold on the name of Self-Love...

2033rd BLOG POST

I remember when times changed on social media during the lockdown and people started consuming content nonstop. This led many influencers create contents around depression or self-care because all of us were going through tough times. Many of us were also self-analyzing ourselves. We were trying to change our thought process. We were nullifying few of our assumptions. I was also reading many things on Internet and following what people were actually trying to project through their Youtube videos, reels, posts and blogs. I was personally going through a very heavy phase so I was trying to find some new ways in life to get on with it and see what the inclusion of new philosophy does. As it is said- Class is permanent, Form is Temporary – I realized something on the same lines. All that I had read in the popular self-help books in the last decade turned out to be the truest and real lessons whereas whatever these people on social media were projecting was nothing but click-bait content and life-ruining advices.

 

Social media mainly talked about the logic of Self-love something that we missed when we were indulged in the fast-paced academics or corporate life which is all about completing important stuffs before the deadline. Hence, when we got little time in WFH and when someone asked us to be comfortable with ourselves and love ourselves for what we are, there was no second thinking needed. We liked hearing it so much. In our loneliness, all we wanted to hear was good thing about the only person we were spending time with – Ourselves. Initially, it did help. We stopped worrying about others because anyway, they were not to be seen anywhere around us. We started living the way we wanted. We also became convenient with our lows – such as less finances or bad body shapes etc. We started eating whatever we liked. We started spending time on couch watching series after series and being happy about not missing a single trending content people were talking about online.

 

Eventually, the world started racing again as the virus started getting weak with the help of vaccines or herd-immunity or whatever it was, we started interacting with others – getting out of the home – and realized what we have done to ourselves. We were less healthy – less enthusiastic – less skilled – less progressed – less in relationships and less in almost everything which we would have definitely been better if everything was normal. How did this whole Self-love thing work against us whereas it was meant to make us feel more peaceful, content and satisfied? It happened because we were sold Self-Neglect in the name of Self-Love. There wasn’t a single thing about loving self. It was all about neglecting ourself. Hence, we thought if we are sleeping more, we are loving ourself as we are finding peace and love in it. We were ordering food as it was the only thing ON and were thinking we are providing love to ourself by making the soul feel accomplished by feeding it the taste it was craving for. We were okay with watching OTT, Youtube and Reels as it was giving the dopamine rush all of us feel charged up with.

 

This affected us in almost every way possible – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, progressively etc. We forgot that the real wealth is actually being healthy- exercising more – eating right nutrition – avoiding junk food – sleeping on time – waking up on time – taking the required sunlight or supplements. We forgot that meditation, classical music, yoga will make our mind relaxed and will allow us to take difficult challenges more positively and enthusiastically. We didn’t identify that upskilling ourselves by watching courses online or getting that long pending certification will eventually help us get a better position or job which we will love doing rather than being in touch with the OTT series/movies that everyone was watching and talking about on social media. Resisting from ordering that unwanted mobile, earphone, dress, smartwatch etc. would have made us financially stronger enabling us to spend money on better objectives.

 

All of these are the self-loving elements in our life rather than getting comfortable with our failures, procrastinations, weaknesses. Over that, also hanging them on our head as a crown for the world to see & ask us about it and then retaliating to tell them how it is all okay to not be successful and driven. Self-love is all about taking your care just like you do for your loved ones but do you ever ask your parents to stop doing yoga and eat unhealthily? Do you ever ask your siblings to stop upskilling and learning and be okay with less knowledge and no competition? Do you ever ask your children to stop studying and being okay with those failed marksheets? You want them to do well with the things important at their age. Isn’t it? So how could you believe in these tactics that prescribed not being the best version of yourself is okay? How spending day on your bed if you don’t want to work is self-care? If you need rest, it’s great. But if you want rest, it’s laziness.

 

Try understanding these small differences. It will clear all your doubts. Either with a set goal or a freestyle approach, your agenda should be to create days in your life which will remain memorable for you because of that one great thing you did, you learnt, you achieved or you read. Remember all those days when you were perfectly fine but yet did nothing for your growth. How do you feel about them? Angry on yourself, right? Or just remember the time you spent today watching those short videos – someone dancing, singing, speaking, acting in it. What did it serve you? How do you feel investing time in it which gave nothing in return except few hours wasted of your precious time today? Now, remember all those days when you were sick and rested throughout the day and did nothing. Are you feeling bad about them? Not really, right? Why? Because it needed you to pause, take care of yourself in order to get back to your best life. That’s the difference between self-neglect and self-love.

 

Whatever you can change and improve about yourself, please do. Today is the only day you are living. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Plan for today. Just today. And do all the tasks. That’s how you will create a good life for yourself which will be all about loving yourself and giving yourself priority over everything else. Be with family and friends but understand the limits. Go on vacations to refuel yourself but not because some social media post is making you feel like going somewhere. Stop craving. Start resisting to such temptations. You are powerful. You need to love yourself – but in the right way. In this case, you can’t even tell anyone that you have been toxic to yourself – the word we so easily use for our family, partners and bosses. Isn’t it? Haha! Stay away from such relaxations before you start blaming yourself for everything that’s gone wrong in your life.

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

The Forgotten Palace and the betrayed prince by Shalini Ranjan (Book Review: 4.5*/5) !!!

2032nd BLOG POST

27^th Book of 2022

 

I remember reading Shalini Ranjan’s book named “The Imperfect Deception” just 3 months back. As I had liked how she had balanced the story and most of her thoughts synched up with mine in terms of issues like marriage and parenting, I didn’t take much time in ordering her new book on Kindle named “The Forgotten Palace and the betrayed prince” which released just 2 weeks ago on my birthday- 4^th October. This 365-pages book has a tagline - “A time travel romantic fantasy”. Frankly speaking, I get very scared when I see a book mentioning its story based on fantasy-related elements because there have been instances when I could never relate with author’s imagination. Another factor – time-traveling as a concept can be very tough to understand hence, I was again skeptic about how easy it would be for me as a reader to go through this.

 

I must tell you – Shalini’s writing style made both these elements so easy for me that I could very easily read such a long book without getting confused. The treatment given to these complex structures of storytelling and concept tells you about the author’s vision while writing the book. I must also specially mention how beautiful her command over English language is. The way she forms her sentences – the word she uses to define her characters or their expressions – the size of paragraphs – the ease in the conversation between different characters – everything has been articulated very nicely. Both- author and editor should be credited for the same. I could not find typos in the book which is generally not the case with Kindle and self-published books.

 

The character of Priya is given a very proper description that you are able to understand her at every juncture of the story. Her decisions, confusions, stands are not an easy-going thing but the way her character is established makes you empathize with her and you stand besides her throughout the story. Her relationship with her granny, friend Anjali and Simran, Arnav, Satya, Devyani, Mansukh, Siddeshwar, in-laws are dealt very significantly where you are able to comprehend her connection with them well enough. Even though the story is written in a form where you might feel it’s a love triangle which involves Priya, Arnav and Satya but the time-traveling concept makes the reading experience very fresh and distinct.

 

In the 1^st half, there’s a confusion as to how the character of Priya time-traveling between two different eras – in 15^th Century and 21^st century but it eventually becomes crystal clear with the way author starts unveiling things. I started enjoying the unsaid explanations as I wanted to understand if this is really happening or author will give it a psychological disorder turn at the end of the book. Also, the time-traveling aspect makes the love story interesting as you know that the protagonist will have to choose one of the two eras for her future and which one would she go with. And in case she chooses both – how is it going to become a possibility. Author has kept such surprising factors wrapped very strategically and its only in the final pages where everything gets confirmed to you.

 

There are many beautiful philosophical statements included along with the story that will stay with you as a perspective. There are couple of intimate scenes in the book and I must say that they are very sensuously written. You will crave for someone while reading it. Every scene is handled so differently than the other tells about the author’s writing prowess about how she can give the same thing different treatment every time. Shalini also ensures that she covers the new-age romance and its issues very effectively. How exes come back in life and make your current relationship problematic. How it becomes bit difficult for the girl to adjust after marriage with in-laws and new rules and regulations. How the expectations in relationship change after marriage. How loyalty and infidelity are another issue which raises trust issues after which marriage never remains to be the same. How having friends is so important at every step of your life as you need someone in whom you can confide. There are many such guiding factors in the story that will make you feel as if you are also getting to learn about life along with it.

 

The whole 15^th century aspect is nicely dealt with – showing a very rich family who are living in palace with all the luxuries lying around them. The whole family politics and issue are structured well. The way Priya gets accommodated in their story while time-traveling and the way the character from the current life is connected with this family is very nicely scripted. I just felt problems with the name of the characters. Most of them start with D and it becomes tough to remember who is who in case you are not reading the book in one or two sittings. I wish if author could have given unique names to make it easy to remember.

 

Overall, this book is a very fresh read and I haven’t read anything like this before. I have become fan of Shalini Ranjan’s writing after this and I must say, she is someone who needs lot of attention and appreciation for her work. Read synopsis of every book written by her and not a single story has an easy-going plot. There’s some out-of-the-world element in every book. I give this particular book 4.5 stars out of 5. Yes- because of great story – and – the way author kept the book a perfect page-turner without a single boring chapter even when the book is 350+ pages. Recommended!

PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA

Krishna Series - The Beginning by Kapil Dabur (Book Review: 3*/5) !!!

2031st BLOG POST

26^th Book of 2022

 

There comes a phase when suddenly I start reading books from a specific genre back-to-back co-incidentally. And mostly, this happens with the mythology/religious genre. I read Desai’s Mayabharata, Amish’s War of Lanka and now I completed Kapil Dabur’s “Krishna Series – The Beginning”. Even the next few books I am about to pick up are related to either Ramayan or Mahabharat. Anyway, let’s talk about Kapil’s version of Krishna story – the 278 pages book published by White Falcon publications. To start with, the cover page of the book is very serene and almost poetic displaying the image of Lord Krishna in his blue body playing flute with his closed eyes – The reason I picked it for reading.

 

This book, in particular, speaks about the life story of Kansa and how he turned from being a normal boy to a villainous character briefly. Yes, it’s less about Krishna and more about the evolution of Kansa as a big villain. Author has majorly tried to build a whole set-up to make us understand what kind of great figures Krishna fought in his childhood in unawareness and what kind of devilish-natured people like Kansa he would be fighting in the further parts of this series. There’s involvement of many other characters in the book from different regions of India who are all either ally or enemy with each other. How the message travels between all of them regarding mysterious things happening is nicely conveyed through the story.

 

The book starts slowly in quite a confused manner where it seems author found it difficult in order to how to begin telling this great epic story. He eventually finds the rhythm just before the 1^st half of the book where he is able to develop few characters properly such as of Kansa, Vishwamitra, Sulochana, Putna etc. The book takes a good leap in terms of quality when the story of Kansa-Rati begins. I don’t know if it’s as per the epic or author’s creativity but I wasn’t aware of any such tale. Hence, it came out as a surprise and author’s portrayal of both of them meeting for the 1^st time, then converting into acquaintance and finally finding romance between them is innocent and beautifully imaginable as a reader. All the other characters developed around them are treated well in this whole section.

 

The story goes into a flashback mode in between where Putna’s tale is been narrated as to how she turned into an ugly-looking person whereas once, she used to be one of the beautiful girls around the kingdom. Reading that story and also how, it impacted the life of Rati was chilling. Vashisht and Vishwamitra’s enmity and competition is also been highlighted every now and then – in the same manner as you can find in Amish’s Ram Chandra series. It’s nice to read the camaraderie and strong personalities that they were for their respective people. The Law of Karmic cycle is given a great prominence in the story and you’ll like its references and examples whenever provided. Similarly, the pre-climax and climax of the book are something where you’ll be excited as a reader because you know something big is about to happen and I liked how author ended the 1^st part at the right place which gives you the feeling of fulfillment as well as excitement to read what would happen next.

 

Talking about author’s writing, I must say it’s written in very basic language hence the book can be gifted even to the children of 10 years and above. They’ll be able to understand the story easily. Rewriting an epic consisting of multiple characters and storyline is not an easy task at all. At some places, Kapil does a great job but otherwise, keeps on failing here and there. Like, the book is about Krishna, but he’s one of the least mentioned characters in the book. Even in the scenes where he is doing powerful stuffs, the scenes are not being narrated properly but completed within a page or two. Even his growing-up part has many stories which author has excluded and showed him grow from an infant to a boy so quickly that you feel disappointed as you want to read about him when you pick a book based upon him.

 

Talking about the drawbacks, I would say that the typos and grammatical mistakes in the book pisses off as they are repeated in almost every 5 pages. As I said above, Krishna’s development is not being portrayed descriptively which had a lot of scope to take this to a next level altogether. Similarly, the characterizations of few characters are left for the readers to comprehend. The start of the book is quite slow and scattered – not in an appropriate flow to hold your attention. The story of Krishna and the whole development pre-birth and post-birth is written on a very surface level without digging into the intricacies which could have made avid mythological readers like me find something new in the story.

 

Overall, I rate this book 3 stars out of 5 – and this is recommended strictly for beginners in this genre.

PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE

 

Thanks.

 

WRITING BUDDHA